I hear your voice. I feel your touch. I feel the softness of your lips as you slip out the door to go to work. I hear your laughter and see you playing with the dog in the center of the room. I feel the dance of life as we prepared meals together, talked about the business we were creating or the gratitude we felt for what we shared even unto the last day.
I learned so much from you. I learned about the heights and depths that are part of life’s journey. I learned about illness and its ravages. Through it all I have learned there is a time to let go and let God. The thing I can’t do is use the wisdom gained for you. Maybe we can share it together for others who will have similar life experiences, you there and me here. That thought is empowering. You there and me here.
Through you I learned about trust. I learned about the joy of being accepted just as I am. I can still feel the joy of seeing you walk in where ever, be it after work or just entering a room. I remember the intensity of our disagreements and the rising above them. We stretched and grew together. We traveled into the caverns and atop the pinnacle as together we joined forces to fight the battle for your life, your quality of life. We reinvented ourselves. We lived a quiet life with gratitude. We were able to pay our bills and put food on the table. We had our warm and wonderful home but most of all we had each other.
Because of all of that we were able to embark into uncharted territory. We were pilgrims on an adventure that would cut our hearts wide and deep. It encompassed the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sometimes we forged ahead with great hope and courage while at other times it was with fear and trepidation. The journey revealed the raw of ourselves to one another which was a good thing. It was stark and real as we ran the gamut of emotions. We were ever hopeful and never gave up on miracles… We were the recipients of many.
In the beginning we charged ahead with exuberance and peak energy but towards the end your body grew wearier from the ravages as did mine. Right in the midst of your intense needs fatigue began to overpower me as did fluid on my lungs. Not unusual for caregivers. Again we were in new territory. I gave all that I could as did you. I was surprised by the draining yet God gave us the strength to help each other in your last earthly days. He put a knowing in my heart that I did not want to claim and I suspect yours as well. Death was something you didn’t want to talk about so we honored that. You lived life to the fullest of your capabilities. If we were to visit about your appointed hour we would share surprise, I am sure, as to how could that have been your time but it was.
Miracle was about to embrace us once more through the grace and ease of your transition. One moment there was breath and in the next no breath. Your spirit departed as you were surrounded by the love of family near and far and a medical team that seemed heaven sent.
I may not be able to see you in your earthly skin but I see and feel you from the eternal heaven of my heart. It is the continuum of a love story for I know that life does not end with our earthly departure.