I am sharing the post below as a precursor to the rest of the Dear Bob letters,well, and all the writings I will share. The journey has been much like what is in the paragraph below with the hills and the valley of tears and then the joy of overcoming even one small challenge. It is not just Bob’s passing but also the sixteen years of his debilitating disease and my care giving, and then the widows walk that have and are forging the foundation of a journey into the light of my heart and soul. The conversations with Bob through the letters has felt of the divine ‘helping to walk me home’. I feel such gratitude. Amazing Grace!
A Lesson in Letting Go
Lord, help me. Am I losing myself again? I was just starting to feel my strength. As the days pass I have to ask myself, do I feel sorry for the journey he and I shared, for the disappointments, the agonizing as we faced reality. For me it was wanting him to live so badly I held on too tight and I lashed out. For him he knew reality and he lashed out. Those were some of the moments sprinkled throughout the years he, we, endured. The sweetness of love carried us through the battlefield and helped us to rise up to face the myriad of challenges.
Sharing life with him carved our souls in a whole new way. I don’t know if carved is the right word but the process brought us closer to the purity of spirit. Those soul touches were beyond anything our minds could imagine and they left an indelible imprint. Our egos, our fatigue, eclipsed them at times but this blocking of the light was temporary.
I, at least for myself, believe those challenging moments helped bring about enlightenment. Even when the ego or mind chatter blocked the light from without the light within was shining into our darkness and dredging it upwards into our awareness. What a playground we were on. We rode the cosmic merry-go-round sometimes so fast we lost our hold and flew off. It was in those very moments of letting go that enlightenment happened. Whatever we thought was important faded in the brilliance of heavenly light.
We sometimes moved on to the teeter totter to try to find balance. With the challenges we faced that was often hard to achieve. It was when we loosened our hold on outcome that balance happened. Through our soul touch we were strengthened.
Life is not perfect because we are imperfect. We forget how to remember the light of our spirits. With some the veil is quite thin. With others, the veil is wide and deep. When we can truly see all aspects of ourselves we can finally see that in others. In doing so we cease being a judge and jury as we become a ray of light straight from God’s heart to hold life in unconditional love.
We cannot force another to be what we think they should be. In doing so we break them and ourselves too. When we love unconditionally, with no strings attached, they bend and so do we. It is this love that brings us home to God, to ourselves and to one another with overflowing joy. That is the essence of soul touches, through whispers, to me.