Life Interrupts Soul

thank-you-for-miracles

Thank You, God, for Miracles

One thing I am learning is life interrupts soul. We are so busy we don’t have nor do we take the time to be still. It seems our culture requires frenzy, running this way and that but seldom towards the essence of ourselves. Yesterday’s tornado in Moore, Oklahoma gives pause to wonder. Those who survived were grateful for just being alive even though they had lost absolutely all of their material possessions. In moments like that, we all become one heart. It changes our perspective.

As I reflect I realize the journey through my husband’s illness truly was creating a foundation for what was to come. Life without him. Through those years we were being reinvented. I don’t think we were aware of it or awake to it.

In our early years, we were two peas in a pod but life blasted us into a new paradigm through what seemed to be in the blink of an eye. We were probably naïve to think life would return to status quo after two major, thoracic, surgeries in a little over a month.

During that time the impossible happened. He lived! He survived within a two percent window.

Thank you, God, for miracles.

I bought a house which was of joy itself. I say I bought a house because he was physically unable to participate. I did it all by myself because of him.

Thank you, God, for miracles.

We met and overcame challenges as they arose, together. Our love gave us the courage to forge ahead during the calm and the storms.

Thank you, God, for miracles.

We could compare the life-altering challenges to being in a tornado. Our “home, our familiar life together, was stripped bare to the foundation. Over time we were given what we needed to rebuild. This happened several times.

Thank you, God, for miracles.

I, daily, prayed prayers of gratitude. First for the blessing of him and then for the blessing of being able to share our time together and for the gift of writing. The writings usually presented themselves as an answer to prayer as they brought light to any darkened edges.

Thank you, God, for miracles.

One thing he often said was he wanted to help me to be stronger in this world, toughened up so to speak. He urged me onward and praised my accomplishments.

Thank you, God, for miracles.

One of my childhood hauntings was witnessing death first hand starting with mother’s death at age four. That, haunting, that fear, colored my world and how I lived in it. Even with Bob, I wanted to control the outcome. The wounded little girl in me didn’t want to feel that desolate pain of loss. I was afraid of death and dying. God, in his tender love, called my beloved home in a most unexpected moment. Through his death, new life is being reborn. For me came the healing of my history. For him a peaceful rite of passage. I know his spirit rejoiced in being surrounded by the love of his daughters and for them the peace of the experience. For all of us, we were blessed with a doctor, who seemed heaven sent, who gave us time to reconcile the gift of letting go and to be at peace with it when taking him off the ventilator.

Thank you, God, for miracles.

The journey through his illness and mine as a caregiver gifted us with courage. Courage to do the impossible. For him the courage of just breathing. It was monumental and he never complained. Towards the end he would say, I am having trouble catching air.” For me the courage to do the impossible was to stay planted where I am, in our home, to feel my way through the terrible loneliness without his physical presence. I am learning that presence is more than form. It is the spirit, that spark of God, which gives life to our bodies. That spark that animates us. We can get so stuck in our containers, our egos, we lose site from whence we came and what is really important. Taking time to be still and listen has allowed for the gift of presence to permeate my heart, my whole being. Love never dies.

Thank you, God, for miracles.

During this time of rest and contemplation soul is interrupting life. I am the child coming into full blossom within a woman’s body. I am a butterfly in the making.

Thank you, God, for miracles
And
Thank you for the gift of him and me.

dragonfly3

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