I woke up this morning with a kind of hangover from the intense emotions of yesterday. The missing of his physical presence, the feeling of loneliness, and a kind of deep dredging. I felt utterly lost so before I went to bed I prayed to be found. I prayed to be enlightened through the journey that has been, the journey that is, and the journey that is to come. This morning I awoke to write a truth about the journey we took these past years of his illness and mine as his wife and caregiver. I was tired after writing those seven-plus pages so I slept for a while. When I awoke the following presented itself.
From Shadow Dancing into the Fullness of Light
So, the pages I wrote earlier today were about our journey especially throughout the ravages of illness but even before. They were of the Nitti gritty of our relationship. The pains, the hurt, coupled with the underlying and sustaining love that held us together. We at times lost sight of ourselves through the changes. We fell only to rise.
During his illness, I missed the us of our early days when we were in the process of creating a robust life. The unwrapping of who we were to one another and the accepting of each at the same time. We had a deep foundation as friends which was the rock and mortar that held us together on the tough road ahead. That which led to his passing and for me the embarking on a new path as a widow filled with questions. I heard….
Wake up. The answers will not come through mind chatter.
Silence your mind and listen for soul whispers. Pray and enter into the sanctuary of your sacred heart where your spirit connects with the divine.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax. Be still and listen.
Take all the time you need on this day and in the days to come. It has taken what seems like eons to create this shield of protection. I asked, why did I need a shield?
You, child, suffered many losses from early childhood on. These were gifts for you if you chose. My answer was, I didn’t know how. That is because you gave into fear and lived as a shadow of your truth.
I just witnessed your thoughts about age. Time is nonexistent in the sacred and your earthly age has nothing to do with it. In my world you are timeless. You experience love at different levels gauged by your life experiences on earth. You entered the earth plane as the purest expression of yourself, a spirit of God’s spirit, housed in physical form.
As you grew your soul retained, like a recorder, all of your experiences. You began to erect your shield for what you thought was protection but in fact, you were separating yourself from the source of life, the light-giver, your heavenly creator, God. You live and lived in a world of many unplugged souls, immersed in ego, living life as if playing a game of chess. You and he gave into this world of competition for a time. Sometimes you won, sometimes you lost. Sometimes they won, sometimes they lost.
Sometimes those who appear to be the weakest, by earthly measure, are actually the strongest. There are forces that rip and tear at them but their soul strength carries them through. They slip and they falter but, against all odds, they know whatever hand they are dealt, they will endure. Even if they are side tracked or lose site they will come home to center. They know that within it all are gifts of purpose and they have faith, amidst the darkness, that the light of God will sustain them. Sometimes they wilt but when they take the time to “be still and listen” they hear the melody of their own soul song uniting with that of the creator.
Thank you for the whispers that help me to understand that our egos play havoc with us in this world and blind us as we trek the wide path.
I feel at peace knowing he is ‘safe in the arms of the shepherd”, free at last, free at last. I also feel a peace in knowing that through grace I will find my way thanks to the glimpses of heaven right here on earth. I, we, are never alone when we live our being through soul connection. We should never give our truth away. We need to stand in the power of who we are with no shields and no walls.
We humans have learned so many ways to manipulate others so as to fulfill the triteness of our worldly needs. We do not give way for different expressions of life as we make ourselves and others miserable by trying to force conformity. We live monotone when the symphony of the heavens is the blending of many tones into a harmony which is the true essence of life. All life, in truth, is a divine expression of the One.
It takes courage to embark upon the straight and narrow path which is of peace and soul abundance. It brings us home to our hearts. On this path, heaven and earth collide through which we experience true bliss. On this path, we move from shadow dancing into the fullness of light. And so it continues. I heard Bob whisper through the breath of soul whispers….
I love you, Tammy Lou.
I said you know, don’t you? He said yes and at that moment we transitioned from shadow dancing into the fullness of light. That is the essence of the dance, here on earth when the veil of consciousness is lifted. We recognize that heaven on earth is our blessed heritage. As I move from shadow dancing into the fullness of light, I through faith and God’s promise, realize that the light that connected Bob and I is shining brightly on the path of my widow’s walk. He grounded me within life and will continue to do so from where he is. Love never dies and the flaws that were part of our earth walk have been wiped clean. We are new beings through the Christ heart of unconditional love. I trust that in stillness we are embraced through glimpses of heaven on earth as I whisper, I love you, too, Bob. Amazing Grace!