Now I sit me down to write catching words that flow from beyond my mind because I said yes a long time ago to that which was and is beyond my imperfect comprehension.
I am not a scholar of words nor proper form but I am a willing vessel to co-create with pen in hand. I will travel through caverns, the valleys, the wilderness, the desert, onward to the precipice if that is what I am called to do. I will share the imperfectly perfect of me coming into balance if it makes a difference in even one other life.
We give the gift of mirrored reflections to one another even if we don’t know it. We see the best and worst of ourselves in our daily walk. We are given glimpses of the light of our souls through the most imperfect moments. For instance, when I wrote the introductory page for Imperfectly Perfect I felt such a connection to life. I felt a connection to the sacred, to the great mystery and wonder of it all. I felt the presence of God and love pouring forth from my heart. I felt the joy of knowing that the ego is not all there is. It just felt light and full of life but the ego does not like to be dethroned. By the beginning of the next day I had fallen into the clutches of chaos. The ego is good at pulling out the old, darkened, treasures and giving them a new shine. I felt depressed as I let them take hold. I crawled under the blankets as if that could hide me from this imperfect aspect of myself.
To put more words to probably what is familiar to you, I felt scared. I felt overwhelmed because my life partner is no longer here in form and I felt sorry for myself. To top it off they were blowing the bugles for a terrible winter storm. The trek was pretty bleak. In the midst of it all a God touch happened. The moment had arrived to make a choice to stay where I was or listen to that which emanates from the heart, the light of transformation.
I chose the light and by that I don’t mean I sat like some guru expecting it to do the work. I got up out of my wallow bed and with the empowerment of the light I did the Nitti gritty of what had to be done. I checked the oil in the truck, added anti-freeze, and more winter windshield washer. From there I got gas and a few needed groceries. I came home and baked two quiches and made some chili and then made sure the flashlights and lanterns were working. In other words I did as much as possible to prepare and it took the pressure off.
I drove home from the store in an almost white out and in a moment I uttered this is beautiful. The snowflakes were big and the wind was fierce blowing them sideways and I felt a kind joy being in the midst of it all. Of course I was on a four lane road and if you are familiar with Montana it was not bumper to bumper traffic. There was a purity about it and for me the age old realization that the biggest fear we have is fear itself. For a moment I rested in the balance of my imperfectly perfect self. It was like heaven on earth.