Growing Into Real

God is light love

Where God is, Love is.

I woke up with the above thought wafting through. I love Soul Whispers. They are my mentor, my counselor, and in part my healer.

After Bob’s death I became a part of Gary Roe’s grief group for Grieving Hearts. It was a place where those of us who interacted were at different levels of grief. It is, was, a place that felt safe and free of judgments. It allowed me to share the raw and real of moments. It allowed for me to face demons of the past. For instance, as a little girl at my aunts funeral, I was told big girls don’t cry. From that moment on I hid in closets to hide my hurts and tears and plastered on a mask of happy go lucky on my face.

The journey with Bob through his illness, his death, and beyond, has brought a quickening of my spirit. It has released me from age old bondages. Bob’s transition was peaceful and, in those moments, came the beginning of healing my fear of death and with that came the choice to run into grief rather than away from it. To feel it all.  I chose to be real.

I found there are gifts given to us through those who have departed if we choose to see.  I have learned that just because I cry, I am not weak.  I learned that those whom I loved, who have departed, are with me always as they waft through on the breath of God right into my heart.

Since Bob’s passing I have walked through the desert and the wilderness shedding the wounds, the judgments imposed upon me during my little girl years that crippled my tender soul. I, through these past almost six years, have walked through the valley of tears and hung from the precipice all the while looking upward to the mountain top of grace and glory.

These days of healing have caused many of my friends concern as they felt I was isolated. The truth is after living as a people pleaser, a push-me-pull you for so much of my life I needed to find the light in my own soul of who I truly am. It has been a time of healing. It has time of letting go as I now know the journey has been of tears and joy for Christs sake and my own. Healing could only happen from the inside out.

Thank you again God for Soul Whispers that have counseled me through every step of the way. Thank you for loving me and thank you for loving all of your creation, that much.

 

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