THE HEART OF GRACE

JUDGMENTS

So, these past few weeks I have felt a heaviness of heart under the weight of judgments. Judgments because I don’t join the fight against abortion on Facebook. Nor will I. I don’t believe that abortion is a political issue. It is a moral issue and it is between a woman at present and God.  Women carry the blame when in reality it takes two to create a life. When I grew up, I was told, before I started dating that boys will be boys and girls have to remain a virgin until they are married. I grew up going to Sunday school and church and I loved being a part of it and learning about God and Jesus. I was sixteen when I met Bill. Dawn was born one week before my eighteenth birthday. What I am saying is I got pregnant out of wedlock. I was a senior in high school. We got married after the first semester and of course, I could not continue school. I had to take the whole year over. Why I am sharing is I am so tired of mean, ugly, verbiage and judgments especially thrust by Christians. My experience when I got married while being pregnant was, I was treated like the enemy of God or something. I was excommunicated from the church, people turned their backs on me on the street. Two older women came to our apartment to let me know that God was going to punish me, and my child would be born deformed. Imagine carrying that burden. I was seventeen, very trusting, and naïve. Interestingly my husband didn’t receive that kind of treatment. The blessing was I was surrounded by the love and support of my family. Grandpa and grandma loved me through it unconditionally. As far as the older women were concerned, they came to the apartment when I came home from the hospital. Their prophecy didn’t come true. We were gifted with the most beautiful baby girl who shined a heavenly light and has throughout her life. The sad thing is their words and judgments and that of others left a deep wound.  The mental and spiritual wounds carried over. Once, after we moved into our house in New Augusta, Indiana I was visiting with my neighbor who had children the same age as mine. She asked me when their dad and I got married. I hesitated and then I lied. I thought if she knew that “I had to get married” she wouldn’t want to associate with me. The next day I went to see her. Over coffee I told her I lied and why. She put her arms around me and shined God’s light on me. I carried the burden of shame for several years. By that time, we had moved to Boulder, Colorado and were part of the Methodist church. There I met a woman, Lola (my mother’s name} Whenever she saw me, she would say “there’s my precious Tammy” and would introduce me that way.  One day I asked her why she called me Precious and she said, “because I see the things in you to love that you can’t see. It changed my life as did her joy. I said I met Jesus today. So instead of browbeating and being holier than thou maybe we should love people where they are. Maybe we should have conversations. Maybe, boys and girls, men and women should have conversations about sex and creating life because both are involved and responsible. At present women take all the blame. A guy can walk away with no responsibility because, you know, boys will be boys or men will be men.

Do I believe in abortion? I am not going to answer that on Social Media nor am I going to answer it in the political arena. It is between God and the woman and man. As long as it is about politics there will be no gain. So, I prayed about this last night. I awoke with Whispers.  I heard, let God in. Listen for guidance. I took a deep breath and relaxed.  I heard listen to the whispers of your heart for the promptings from God, unite.  The words from the author of darkness, divide. I asked that God give me the heart of grace to be a light of His unconditional love in the world. Who am I to judge? And then this thought punctuated the question.

So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them,   “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her”.  John 8:7 


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